Hello friends,
Over the past few years, I’ve had this recurring dream that I need to leave immediately and don’t have time to gather all my things. The places I’m leaving or going toward change. The reasons I have to pack change. In fact, it’s barely a recurring dream because the details are always different. Only one thing remains the same: no matter how hard I try, I can’t pack my stuff.
I’m surrounded by piles of things, in the dreams, I mean. Clothes, shoes, books, bags, electronics, tchotchkes. They encircle me and send waves of indecision through me. My suitcase sits open and mostly empty, waiting for me to determine which things are worthy of traveling with me and which will remain behind. Around me, everyone else is leaving. Sometimes I know these people. Sometimes I don’t. But they’re all prepared. Their bags are packed, and they’re heading for their planes, trains, buses, and ships. They move quickly, knowing that time is of the essence. A frantic energy builds within me as I struggle to keep up. I feel like I’m packing, but I never make any progress. There’s always more stuff. Then, the dream ends.
I think these dreams began after I read Marie Kondo’s book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I read it because I wanted help organizing my things. I didn’t expect to feel like what I actually needed was to get rid of my things. Once I started letting go, though, I felt lighter. Clothes, shoes, accessories, kitchen supplies, old paperwork, and unwanted gifts all went out the door. The people at the thrift store recognized me at one point because I kept bringing in bags. Even beloved old books, which I thought I could never get rid of, lost their hold over me. I donated three large boxes of them to the library. It was a bittersweet moment, but in the end, I felt relieved.
I want to become untethered. I want to see things and appreciate their beauty instead of thinking I want that. Even my wanting contains more of itself. It feeds on the endorphin rush of new possessions and perpetuates the cycle. I focus instead on the lightness of release, the spaciousness that comes with removing the unnecessary. I do not belong to my belongings. I belong only to myself, and that is enough.
Until next time,
Yardena
P.S. Merry Christmas to all who celebrate. I hope you have a wonderful holiday filled with joy, laughter, and love.
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