Hello friends,
It’s been a month since I last wrote to you. I’m sorry. I’ve been a bit depressed lately, to be honest. Mattie’s death was the final trigger for a slide I’ve been holding back for a while now. But I think my antidepressant has finally stopped working, and my brain is having a difficult time keeping its shit together. I’ve spent most of this last month sleeping and crying.
Today I cried in public. Only a little bit though. I sat at a mostly empty restaurant in the mostly empty town of Martinsville, Virginia, and I mostly emptied my tear ducts. But tonight I’m going to a NASCAR race. And tomorrow I’m going to another NASCAR race. I plan to let the sound of the engines drown out the thoughts in my head. For a couple of hours, at least, I will enjoy my life.
I’m sorry I’ve been distant. I’m sorry this email is short. I’m sorry for apologizing all the time. When I get back to Florida I’ll start the process of finding a new therapist and getting on a new drug. I also have a new puppy waiting for me when I get back. Her name is Jade. She’s a menace, but I love her. I’ll tell you more about her next week.
For now, I plan to revel in the smell of gasoline and burning rubber. I’ll deal with everything else later.
Until next time,
Yardena