Finding comfort in the impermanence of it all
Hello friends,
This week we're celebrating Sukkot, the Jewish festival of booths (#hutgirlsukkot). This is one of my favorite holidays. I love building the sukkah with my dad and decorating it with lights and streamers. I cut the palm fronds for the roof right from the trees in my backyard. We bring in a table and chairs, and we make sure to leave an open corner for our dog Mattie to lie down. After the High Holidays' craziness—especially this year—spending time outside and getting more comfortable with the idea of impermanence helps calm my nerves. The whole thing is also tons of fun.
Having several mental health disorders and MS, I tend to oscillate between feeling amazing and wanting to curl up in a ball and escape the world. My good days feel really good, and my bad days feel really bad. But they're all just single days, and they'll fade away like anything else if we let them. I'm working on holding tight to the good days and letting the bad days drift through my fingers. And if there's anything 2020 has taught me, it's that everything is temporary.
Honestly, the idea that nothing lasts is comforting to me right now. I've barely left my house since late March, almost seven months ago. The routine I've cultivated in that time helps keep my mind off the insanity, but sometimes I want to scream. I want to visit my friends and hug them and frolic out in the world again. I want to go out to lunch with my mom, who I've only seen once since this pandemic began.
I've always been an introvert, taking refuge in my home, my castle, my cave. But the choice to stay in has always been just that—a choice. Now, I'm angry at everyone who doesn’t take this disease seriously. I'm furious with them for taking my choice away. But as my mom always tells me when things get rough, this too shall pass. She's usually right.
To those of you celebrating Sukkot, chag sameach. I hope you enjoy your time in the sukkah. And to everyone else, whatever you may be going through, take comfort in the temporary nature of it all.
Until next time,
Yardena