Hello friends,
I'm tired, more tired than I've been in a long time. My eyes keep trying to shut, and I barely have the energy to get off the couch. I got my Ocrevus infusion a couple of days ago, and I’m hoping my body just needs some time to adjust. Then the fatigue will go away. For the moment, though, I’m mostly sleeping a lot. Even reading and watching tv is challenging because my brain is so fuzzy. It can’t seem to focus on anything for long. I’ve been a bit depressed recently, and this fatigue only adds to that. I think I’ve cried at least once every day this week. But I’m trying not to let my brain run away with fear, anxiety, and hopelessness. I like to see my thoughts as clouds. What kind of shapes do they make? What animals can I see? I look at my thoughts, examine them, and then I let them float away. The wind disperses the nasty thoughts until they take on different forms. Sometimes I get stuck in my depression, but I’m trying.
“One day at a time” has been my mantra for the past year. But I think it’s time for something new. “One day at a time” is starting to feel oppressive. Instead of bringing relief, it makes me believe I’ll never be able to build something out of my life. As the secular new year rolls around, I’ll be thinking of a new mantra. Let me know if you have any ideas or a mantra that helps you get through the day.
I also wrote a poem about smoking and being in love.
I hope y’all are having a better week than I am, not that the bar is very high lol. Until next week, Shabbat shalom.
Yardena