Hello friends,
Good news: The bees are gone! Two and a half weeks in, I’m finally getting past the Cymbalta withdrawal. My body is still adjusting to the Prozac, and I’m dealing with a bit of insomnia. Every single antidepressant I’ve used has given me insomnia, though, so I guess that’s to be expected. It’s not the worst I’ve experienced, which is a plus, but watching the clock is always frustrating. Even more annoying is starting every day at noon. My sleep schedule is fucked at the moment, to be quite honest. But I think I’m feeling ok about it? Maybe the Prozac is working after all.
I feel like I’ve been in a weird liminal space these past few months. Switching meds, watching two dogs die, spending all my energy merely existing. At times I’ve felt broken and lost. Other times I’ve felt nothing. I think I’m moving out of this place now, though. I don’t know if I’m hopeful, exactly, but I’m more at peace. Grammarly keeps telling me to use more forceful and confident words, but they don’t feel right. I’m not confident at the moment. I don’t know where I’m going. But that’s part of why I love writing these letters to you every week. Sharing my uncertainty is a catharsis of sorts. Plus, I know many of you are experiencing similar thoughts and feelings. I hope these letters make you feel less alone.
Lately, I haven’t had much to say. Treading water has been my main concern. I’m so focused on keeping my head above the waves that everything else has taken a back seat. My plants are dying. My emails are piling up. Every time my fish look at me, I feel ashamed for barely cleaning their tank. I’m ok, though, beneath all of that. For the moment, I’m celebrating the little victories. Today’s victory is that I showered. And now I’m going to water my plants. It’s not perfect, but it’s something.
Until next time,
Yardena
Weekend Potpourri
Thanks to Hank Green for getting everyone grooving to this song