Swaddling myself in style and hope
Hello friends,
I've spent a lot of time in bed recently. Last week I got my MS infusion, and I'm still a bit rundown. This week I'm ovulating, or, as my mom likes to say, "dropping an egg." My body exists only in differing states of fatigue. On the plus side, though, I bought this blanket from the incomparable Abigail Ervin Penner, so at least I'll be able to swaddle myself in style and hope.
Because I'm so tired, I've found it difficult to focus on things this week, so I've been setting up my Traveler's Notebook for 2021. If you're a fellow journaling and stationery addict and haven't heard of TN, I highly recommend checking them out. I've set mine up with three notebooks: Baum-kuchen's JIYU planner, a grid insert, and a dot grid insert. I use the first for weekly and daily logging in the Bullet Journal style, quick and dirty. The grid insert is for custom monthly spreads and various collections. And the dot grid is for long-form and art journaling. Setting up these notebooks has given me a meditative way to busy my hands without needing to bother my mind too much. Not to mention, using a fountain pen always makes me feel like I've traveled to a different era, one where a global pandemic isn't raging across the land.
Fatigue is interesting. It depresses me a little because it robs me of my ability to do much, but it also forces me to be present. I'm too tired to stay depressed or anxious for long. It takes too much energy to hold onto those emotions. So I sit here on the porch, smoking a cigar and writing to you, and I feel at peace. Don't get me wrong, I would trade this exhaustion for boundless energy in an instant if I could, but I can't. I can only accept that chronic illness is a bitch and go on with my day.
This week has dragged on, but it's been lovely in a way because of Hanukkah. Hanukkah may be a minor holiday, but it never fails to bring a sense of joy and pride. Last night we lit the last candle, but the light of the holiday will stay with me for a while.
Shabbat shalom,
Yardena