The Crap Gap
Hello friends,
A couple of weeks ago, I was on a roll, gardening my heart out. Now, I’m in the Crap Gap. My neurologist introduced me to this term when I described my current increase in MS symptoms. Apparently, it’s pretty common for patients on Ocrevus (the infusion I get) to experience symptom flare-ups about a month and a half before our next infusion. Because of that, both patients and doctors have started calling this time the Crap Gap.
I love this phrase. I’m telling everyone I know about this phrase. It so accurately encompasses this feeling of exhaustion and pain that arrives every five months. It’s like being able to see the castle doors, but instead of walking across the bridge, you take a belly flop into the moat. Then you float around in that swampy ring of deterrence for a month until you finally regain the energy to crawl out. That’s the crap portion.
The gap is the fact that every five months, I’m forced to hit pause on my life. It’s like the PMS of MS. I know it’s coming, but I can’t do anything about it other than put on my period underwear and bemoan the state of my existence. I also watch a lot of Netflix.
That’s not to say I’m particularly depressed at the moment. I’m tired, and I’m frustrated, but at this point, I’m resigned to the fact that this is my life. I’m in the Crap Gap, but I know in a few weeks I’ll have a bit more energy and less pain. So, like always, I take one day at a time. Some days I don’t leave the couch, and that’s ok. Other days I manage to clean my aquarium filter, do a massive water change, and enjoy my fish spazzing out in happiness. The good days may be fleeting, but so are the bad ones. Every day is a mini life lived. I’m doing my best to appreciate each one.
See you next week,
Yardena