Thirty-One: Week Twenty-One
Days one hundred and forty-one through one hundred and forty-seven
Welcome back to Thirty-One, the project where I attempt to write something every day for a year. If you missed any previous issues, you can find them here.
Day One Hundred and Forty-One (September 14th) My depression is angry. It is a geyser exploding while the tourists clap and smile. My depression is petty. It cries woe is me and makes me hate myself for it. My depression is selfish. It wants all the love and understanding but will give nothing in return. My depression is callous. It displays the worst parts of myself and tells me that’s all there is. My depression is ashamed. It tears down the world and then hides in the dark. My depression is terrified. What if things only get worse? Day One Hundred and Forty-Two (September 15th) I clicked the link to track my overpriced dinner delivery, and the screen said, “No healthy upstream.” An accurate description of the current state of my mental health. Day One Hundred and Forty-Three (September 16th) Focus on the exhale Day One Hundred and Forty-Four (September 17th) This too shall pass, my mother murmured in my ear. She cradled me and wove a tale with all the threads of my life. This moment is a single thread, so stark and jarring on its own. But pluck it from the tapestry, and everything unravels. Each thread holds another with links invisible at a distance. Give it time. This will become no different than the rest of the warp and weft of the story of your life. Day One Hundred and Forty-Five (September 18th) *The National dropped a surprise new album called Laugh Track today. The laugh track brings me back to the feeling of a time when feelings of mine were beginning to understand who I am Day One Hundred and Forty-Six (September 19th) When the night is so deep you can feel its embrace, rest easy in the delicate poignance of those imaginary hours Day One Hundred and Forty-Seven (September 20th) It is enough to sleep and wake up refreshed
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Damn, as always, damn