Thirty-One: Week Twenty-One

Days one hundred and forty-one through one hundred and forty-seven

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Welcome back to Thirty-One, the project where I attempt to write something every day for a year. If you missed any previous issues, you can find them here.

Day One Hundred and Forty-One (September 14th)
My depression is angry. It is a geyser exploding while the tourists clap and smile. 

My depression is petty. It cries woe is me and makes me hate myself for it. 

My depression is selfish. It wants all the love and understanding but will give nothing in return.

My depression is callous. It displays the worst parts of myself and tells me that’s all there is. 

My depression is ashamed. It tears down the world and then hides in the dark. 

My depression is terrified. What if things only get worse?

Day One Hundred and Forty-Two (September 15th)
I clicked the link to track my overpriced dinner delivery, and the screen said, “No healthy upstream.” An accurate description of the current state of my mental health. 

Day One Hundred and Forty-Three (September 16th)
Focus on the exhale

Day One Hundred and Forty-Four (September 17th)
This too shall pass, my mother murmured
in my ear. She cradled me and wove a tale 
with all the threads of my life. This moment
is a single thread, so stark and jarring
on its own. But pluck it from the tapestry, 
and everything unravels. Each thread
holds another with links invisible
at a distance. Give it time. This will become
no different than the rest
of the warp and weft
of the story of your life. 

Day One Hundred and Forty-Five (September 18th)
*The National dropped a surprise new album called Laugh Track today. 

The laugh track
brings me back
to the feeling of a time 
when feelings of mine
were beginning to understand 
who I am

Day One Hundred and Forty-Six (September 19th)
When the night is so deep
you can feel its embrace, rest easy
in the delicate poignance 
of those imaginary hours 

Day One Hundred and Forty-Seven (September 20th)
It is enough 
to sleep 
and wake up refreshed 

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