Time is a made-up concept
Hello friends,
We think that thoughts are confusing, forgetting that it is thought itself which is thinking that.
The statement above came from the Headspace app yesterday morning. Every day, it gives you a "Mindful Moment," a tip on how to be more mindful throughout the day. They're always helpful, but this one seemed particularly poignant, another way of saying the phrase "your feelings are real, but that doesn't mean they're true."
Meditation and mindfulness have been my saving-grace lately (along with stopping my stimulant). I'm finding it more comfortable to examine my feelings without judgment. I acknowledge them and let them pass, like cloud-watching on a spring afternoon.
I've felt a bit stuck for as long as I can remember, desperately trying to push past the walls keeping me from moving forward. But I've been thinking that there aren't actually any walls. I exist in infinite space. Instead of walls, I'm searching for trail markers, acknowledgments of my shifting path. I'm letting growth and progress fall by the wayside, focusing more clearly on the act of movement itself, no matter how small.
Time and space are made-up concepts. Babies grow about an inch per month in their first six months, inches that translate like miles. I still live with my dad in the same house I've lived in since high school. I haven't moved, but my 16-year-old self feels distant. I see her name scrawled on the post of the trail marker. I stand where she stood 12 years ago, but the landscape is different now. The trees' whispers are clearer than before.
I've spent so much time hoping for a better future. I slow down, stagnate, waiting for better days to reach me. I concentrate so fully on what's ahead that I end up standing still. I'm trying to change that, though. I'm relaxing my gaze and stretching my limbs. The future is tomorrow, but it's also now. It's yesterday too. Time is a made-up concept. Movement is only imperceptible when we don't look closely enough.
Shabbat shalom,
Yardena