Hello friends,
I just finished packing for the Daytona 500, and I am pumped. I'm writing this newsletter on pure adrenaline. Gasoline is coursing through my veins. Ok, that's a little dramatic, but I am genuinely excited. If you've ever been to a race before, you know what I mean. And if you haven't, then you need to buy tickets to your nearest track and experience the awesomeness for yourself.
Another reason I'm so excited is that I feel excellent right now, better than I have in a while. I mentioned last week that I finally found the right combination of medical marijuana strains for both my pain and my fatigue. Now that I'm a week into that dosing, I'm focused and motivated. I'm getting shit done. MMJ doesn't completely rid me of fatigue, but I have more productive hours during the day and can fight past the exhaustion a bit more. I still have MS, and some days are harder than others, but I feel more like my old self again.
Ironically, receiving a life-changing diagnosis has helped me learn to better deal with my anxiety. At first, of course, that stress was overwhelming. At one point early in my diagnosis, I experienced daily panic attacks. Now, a year and a half later, I'm calmer than I used to be. I still have anxiety (and depression and OCD), but I'm not as crippled by it as I was before. MMJ plays a part in that, of course. But more than that, I've learned to make peace with the imperfect and the unexpected. Sometimes, life is all sunshine and rainbows. Other times, it's broken, and the only thing you can do is reach for the super glue.
The Japanese have a term for this acceptance: wabi-sabi. I'm sure many of you have heard of it. For those who aren't familiar with wabi-sabi, it's an aesthetic viewpoint centered on accepting transience and imperfection. I've been reading a lot about wabi-sabi and Japanese aesthetics recently in an effort to come to terms with my new normal. I'm learning to find beauty in my imperfections. I'm coming to love myself because of my struggles, not despite them.
It's getting late, so I'll leave you with an invitation to find the beauty in your imperfections. Revel in your impermanence.
Until next week, Shabbat shalom,
Yardena